Banana Peel

It’s what’s inside that matters…

Ready to run? February 26, 2009

We got the news today. And I’m not sure how I feel about it. I wrote it on the calendar, ah my beloved calendar. I thought about not writing it on there. Maybe if I didn’t then it wouldn’t be real. It wouldn’t actually be the end. I wouldn’t have to mar my beautiful calendar with such depressing news. I wouldn’t have to worry about how we will pay our bills. I wouldn’t have to worry about where we are going to live. I wouldn’t have to worry. Life could just go on. We’d be happy and content in this house (even if it is too small and crappy). We would have bellies full of good food. I wouldn’t watch my children play in their happy oblivious ways and wish with all my heart I could give them more, but feel oh so thankful that they are too little to remember or even comprehend how poor we are.

But I had to write it on the calendar, it can’t be ignored. March 8th. The last day. The store closing. 10 days from now my Hunk is done at Circuit City.

March 8th the Muskegon Michigan Circuit City store is no more. 5 days before we are kicked out of this house. What. a. week.

I’m slightly terrified at the prospect of my husband being out of work. But at the same time I am so full of relief that he doesn’t have to go to that hell-hole anymore that I could dance a jig. I asked him how he was feeling and he said “ready to be done”. Ready or not, we are done.

There is a day care by our home that puts interesting bits of wit on it’s sign (unlike the church right down the street that just puts stupid things, but that’s a different story for another day). A while ago it said “Panic Productively”. I love that! I decided right then and there that I would adopt that as my new motto in this season of uncertainty.

I have been panicking productively for the past month or so. I got our taxes out of the way as quickly as I could. I then used our tax refunds and paid off three of our biggest debts to reduce our monthly payments and still have enough money saved that we could live off of it for 2 months (The Hunk also gets a staying on bonus which will extend our savings to 3 or 4 months worth of living expenses, but we have no idea when he will get it, so I’m not banking on it). We have some wonderful friends who are going to let us move into their basement. There is only one snafoo with that: they have three cats. I’m TERRIBLY allergic to cats. I don’t even have to touch them and I turn into a mass of red, itchy, water eyes, with a sneezy itchy nose and throat. So now we are trying to find out if I can take Claritin or Allegra or something. (If anyone knows if there is an allergy medicine that is safe to take while nursing a baby please let me in on the secret!)

All in all we’re okay. We have enough money saved up that we should be fine until the Hunk starts getting unemployment. We have somewhere to live. I really don’t have that much to worry about. It’s just the big unknown “where to now?”. I wish the good Lord would let us in on the secret. Not even the whole thing. Just a glimse, a flash, a small revelation of what is to come. Will we be okay? Yes. I know this because He is there. He is here. Even though He doesn’t let us know the future He will walk along with us and take us through the unknown. And believe me that knowledge is all that keeps me from pulling my children to my chest as tight as I can and crying out “why us?”. Instead I cling to my Maker, my friend, my Savior. And the peace that passes all understanding comes soflty and slowly and quietly into my heart.

I read a wonderful quote today and I am going to end with that:

I will have nothing to do with a God who cares only occasionally. I need a God who is with us always, everywhere, in the deepest depths as well as the highest heights. It is when things go wrong, when good things do not happen, when our prayers seem to have been lost, that God is most present. We do not need the sheltering wings when things go smoothly. We are closest to God in the darkness, stumbling along blindly. ~Two-Part Invention by Madeleine L’Engle


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6 Responses to “Ready to run?”

  1. cool mum Says:

    it sounds like you are about to begin an adventure. my husband and i were in a similar but different situation last summer. similar in the job ending and not knowing what we were going to do. different in that we had clues long long in advance that it would be ending so that we could prepare. i’ll pray that God does amazing things and leads you clearly!

  2. Hannah Says:

    I didn’t really blog about all the goings-on in the past couple months because they involved people that read my blog and I didn’t want to open that door, but I totally understand how you’re feeling right now. And as a bit of encouragement, I have to say that God was so faithful that I can hardly believe it. (Every day is a struggle to really believe the gospel, isn’t it? When we fear and worry and… oh, lots of things!)
    When all of the sudden the rug was pulled out from under me and I had no idea what direction God was pointing me, I asked a few of my Sisters to pray with me (not for me, with me) a few times to see if they could help me discern. One of them prayed a prayer that stuck with me and that I think I’ll use forever. She asked God to give me a trail of bread crumbs like Hansel and Gretel. Show me one little thing, and if I step out in faith and do it, even though I’m not sure where it’s going to lead, soon I will see another bread crumb. I prayed that prayer over and over, and wouldn’t you know it?! That’s exactly what God did. I think you’re right not to wish to see the whole picture; that’s just never going to happen. But if you are faithful, God will certainly show you the next step.
    My prayers are with you and your family, and I hope that you can find peace and joy in this time of true dependence on Christ.


  3. Coco Says:

    Oh, Jess. I know that struggle to find faith so well.

    I have every confidence that your lives will end up exactly where you need them to be, but in the meantime, if you need an ear? I’m here.

    As for the cat allergies, I think you can take Benadryl while BF’ing. Ask your pediatrician to be sure.

    • Jessica Lynn Says:

      Cool Mum~ Thanks so much for your kind comments. I’ll have to check out your blog!! =)

      Hannah~ I LOVE the Hansel and Gretel prayer!! That’s ALL I WANT! A crumb, a little glimpse! Just to know that we’re going to be alright! Thank you for your prayers and thoughts, I really do appreciate them!

      Coco~ I love that we’re blog friends. Your comments always always make me smile. Thank you. And thanks for the heads up on Benadryl! =)

  4. I’m so blessed to have such Godly and faithful wife.

    Patience, patience. We’ll get there.

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