Banana Peel

It’s what’s inside that matters…

The New Home Giveaway 2009!!!! January 22, 2009

Filed under: Giveaways — Jess @ 10:41 am
Tags: ,

(Don’t get excited I’m not giving away a house)

Here’s what I am giving away:

dishcloth-sage

Two hand-knit sage green dishcloths made with 100% cotton.

And they are in dire need of a new home!

The Technical Stuff You Need To Know:

Who Can Participate: anyone in the whole wide world; I will ship anywhere.

How to Enter: leave a comment with your favorite (G rated please) joke. If you can make me laugh out loud then you will get an extra entry (I laugh easily, just so you know), and if you can make me snort (it will have to be really funny to get me to laugh that hard!) you will get another extra entry. For another extra entry link to me on your Blog, then come back and tell me that you did (Holy Moly, you can get up to FOUR entries!!!). Note: you do not need a WordPress account to enter. Just post your joke as anonymous and leave your email. Or email me at mrsculverATgmailDOTcom with your info.

When Will the Giveaway End? I’ll pick the winner on February 1st at noon and contact you by email to get shipping information. [Edited to add: I won’t be able to chose a winner at noon so I am extending the giveaway until 5pm! Same day, different time!]

Okay people make me laugh–I need it!

This post is part of the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival.

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48 Responses to “The New Home Giveaway 2009!!!!”

  1. Crystal Says:

    What did Noah say to his sons while preparing to fish off the Ark?
    ~ Go easy on the bait boys, we’ve only got two worms!!!!

    HA HA HA HA , SNORT!!!!!!!! : ) Did you laugh? Blessings~ CRystal

  2. Kristin Says:

    Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
    Because he had no guts.

    Why did the banana go to the doctor?
    Because he wasn’t peeling well.

    Ok ok… an actual joke.

    Little boy answering the phone in a whisper “hello?”
    Person: Can I speak to your mommy?
    Boy: She’s busy.
    Person: Can I speak to your daddy?
    Boy: He’s busy.
    Person: Are there any adults there?
    Boy: uh-huh. The policeman.
    Person: Oh my. Can I speak to the policeman?
    Boy: He’s busy.
    Person: If your parents and the policeman are busy, there must be something serious! What are they doing?
    Boy: They are looking for me!

  3. Nancy Says:

    Harry Winston. Nuff Said.

  4. Kristina B. Says:

    Don’t enter me. Others will want them more than I (I have quite a few dishcloths!). I just like telling jokes.

    Two peanuts walk into an alley. One was a-salted. (get it? assaulted?)

  5. danikjohnson Says:

    how much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

    a buck-an-ear

  6. Kristina Says:

    I feel I should add, though, that they are quite lovely. Can’t wait to learn to knit.

  7. When my daughter was coughing this last fall, I decided to put Vick’s on her feet. Afterall, if you read it on the internet it has to be true, right?! She looked at me with the straightest 4 year old face and said, “Mom, my feet aren’t coughing.”

    Thank you!

  8. Kathy Blackwelder Says:

    What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you in the corner! Sorry I’m terrible at jokes, but I love the dishcloths!

  9. Danielle J Says:

    Yesterday, as I was looking for a dishcloth and I thought “I need more dishcloths!” And look a giveaway for dishcloths…I so need to win this!

    Joke: A lawyer and a farmer sat by each other on the plane. The lawyer, thinking that all farmers aren’t smart decided to have a little fun with him. He told the farmer he wanted to play a game, but the farmer told the lawyer to leave him alone. He wished to sleep. The lawyer then said that his game would go like this…They would take turns asking each other questions. If the lawyer stumped the farmer then the farmer paid the lawyer 5 bucks if the farmer stumped the lawyer then the lawyer would pay him 500 dollars. So the lawyer went first. He asked the farmer how far from the earth is the moon. With out answering the farmer pulled out a 5 and handed it over. The lawyer smiled and waited for his question. The farmer asked…What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4. The lawyer spent the next hour looking on his lap top for answers but with no prevail. So he turned to the farmer who had fallen asleep and gave him 500 dollars. the farmer went back to sleep, but the lawyer was curious to know the answer so he woke the farmer up and asked ‘so what does go up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?’ With out saying a word, the farmer pulled out a five and gave it to the lawyer, then went back to sleep.

  10. Well, I can’t think of another joke so:

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    Because! It was dead!

    bwahahaha!

  11. aishaholley Says:

    A friend sent me this:

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC

    Smart boss + smart employee = profit

    Smart boss + dumb employee = production

    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

  12. S.B. Says:

    The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

  13. ok im awful at jokes, so i will just tell you two funny things that my 4 year old has said, i love kids say the darndest things.
    ok, here is the first one, she looked at me and said, mommy i knew who our new president is. i was pretty impressed! i said, what is his name ?? she said: barack madonna.
    to funny!!!!
    here is another one, the other day she asked me to tell her about when she was born. i told her, you were so beautiful and healthy and you smiled all the time…. etc etc. then she looked at me seriously and said, but mom, was i born a girl????
    ta da.
    lol
    http://www.momtothreebabies.blogspot.com
    momtothreebabies@netscape.com
    ps- i only use hand knit or crocheted washclothes, they work the best!!!!!

  14. lisa Says:

    How about a funny story…
    Our family took a trip to the zoo. The next day, my husband I walk in my toddler son’s room and find him naked, standing on the bed, having just peed in the bed. Husband says, “son why’d you do that?” Son says, “I was just being an elephant…” you know, spraying water everywhere… except he doesn’t have a trunk…and it wasn’t water…lol.

    Lisa
    iluvchrisnlevi@aol.com

  15. Carolyn G Says:

    knock knock
    who’s there?
    Amsterdam.
    Amsterdam, who?
    Amsterdam tired of all these stupid knock-knock jokes.

  16. Robin Says:

    I’ll ask questions. You answer “Pea soup”

    What did you have for breakfast?
    What did you have for lunch?
    What did you have for dinner?
    What did you do all day?

    ROFL

  17. beth shepherd Says:

    Thank you for having this!
    I would love to win!
    My joke
    There was a hillbilly couple with a child that was saving their money for a trip to the city as they had never been. they finally saved enough money and were on their way. They pulled up to the hotel and the dad said momma u stay here with the truck and me and jr will go inside for the arrangements. the father and son went inside and were amazed. there were huge chandoliers and people everywhere. Then they noticed this door that kept opening and shutting with lighted numbers above it. They watched as an elderly lady went inside and 60 seconds later a beautiful young woman came out. The father said to the son – Jr go get your momma quick!
    I always laugh at that one
    Thank you
    tatertot374@sbcglobal.net

  18. Jenny Says:

    Two peanuts were walking down the street….

    One was a salted. 🙂

  19. Theresa Shafer Says:

    Why was Tigger standing in front of the toilet. He wanted to know where Pooh went.

    TESL then 283 then at yahoo and com

  20. Jokes are always funny to me because I hardly remember any and rarely tell any. Right now the only thing that comes to mind is a knock knock joke my 3 year old got a little carried away with.

    knock knock

    who’s there

    orange

    orange who

    orange you got invite me in?

    Very very silly. 😉

    killlashandra at hotmail dot com

  21. sjbraun Says:

    knock knock
    who’s there
    Dwayne
    Dwayne who?
    Dwayne the bathtub – I’m drowning!

    Seriously, thanks for these. This is my favorite type of dishcloth, and I don’t knit 🙂
    sjbraun at hotmail dot com

  22. Carolyn S Says:

    “Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    “So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
    “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    WIFE VS. HUSBAND
    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
    “Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

    WORDS
    A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
    30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
    The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

    A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be
    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
    “The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

    enjoy!

    ceashark at aol dot com

  23. Jennifer F Says:

    A firefighter is working outside the station when he notices a girl in a little red wagon with small ladders on the sides, a garden hose in the middle, and wearing a firefighter’s helmet. The firefighter notices the girl is being pulled by her cat and dog. She has tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s tail.

    The firefighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your firetruck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.”

    The little girl replies thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but…then I wouldn’t have a siren!

    :o) Unique giveaway! Would love to learn how to make these but I only crochet!

  24. Heidi @ ggip Says:

    I would love a chance to enter. I knit a little bit and this might give me some inspiration.

    I am bad at jokes, so give me some slack, okay?

    A guy walked into a Bar.

    Ouch.

    Sorry, it’s dumb, but it makes me laugh.

    I am also giving away a restaurant gift card if you are interested! Thank you!

  25. monica Says:

    What do you call a dog with no legs?

    You don’t call it anything it won’t come to you anyway!

    monk5@charter.net

  26. Jane Anne Says:

    (This exchange actually happened between my 6 year old son and my husband.)

    A boy looks at his dad and says, I have some good news and some bad news.
    The dad says, give me the bad news first.
    The boy says, Dad, you are going bald.
    Dad says, What’s the good news?
    The boy says, “You are growing hair in your ears!”

    Thanks for the chance to win!

  27. Becky Says:

    Knock, knock
    Who’s there
    Banana
    Banana who
    Banana Frankenstein

    Odd, I know, but when it comes out of a little kids mouth, it becomes the funniest thing ever!

  28. mannequin Says:

    A cat dies and goes to heaven. God welcomes him and says “what is it that you would like? We want to make sure you’re comfortable here/”
    “I would like a fancy pillow to lie upon. I always had to sleep upon the floor and I’d love a velvet pillow.”
    “Then you shall have it, dear cat”

    Three mice die the next day and go to heaven.
    “Welcome” said God. “I want to make sure you are all comfortable.Is there anything we can get you?”

    “We would love roller skates. We never had roller skates on earth.”
    “Then you shall have them little friends. Anything else, just let me know.”

    The next day, God makes the rounds, socializing and making sure everyone is comfortable.
    “Cat, how are you doing? How do you like that pillow?”
    “It’s lovely” said the cat, “thank you so much” he continued, “And the meals on wheels you sent by was simply delicious”.

  29. Cindy Says:

    I couldn’t decide which I liked better, so I decided to send you two:

    A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with permanent ink.

    The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this without a a magnifying glass, come back and see me.”

    and

    At a motivational seminar 3 men are asked to come up to the stage.

    They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

    The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was the greatest doctor of my time, and a great family man.”

    The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference for the children of tomorrow.”

    The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say…… LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!!!”

    I hope those made you laugh!

    Love you!

    Cindy

    crushlowATgmailDOTcom

  30. Audra Says:

    I have a little guy so I mostly just hear kid jokes-

    Why did 6 run away from 7?
    Because 7 ATE nine!

    Thanks so much for the awesome give-oh-way! I was given some of these by a friend and they are my absolute favorites! audrajjensen(at)msn(dot)com

  31. Rebecca Says:

    Spell “PIG” backwards and then say “funny colours” afterwards.

    I know, I know. Pitiful.

  32. Jingle Says:

    These are really cute!

    Here is a joke for you…

    So I asked my magic 8 ball a question the other day, it replied “Outlook not so good”. I thought to myself, so why, does Windows still ship with it.

    HA!!! I so crack myself up! LOL! I’m a Mac user! And a proud one at that! LOL!

  33. Deborah Says:

    Knock, knock

    *who’s there?

    Moo

    *Moo Who?

    Know, Knock

    *who’s –

    Interrupting Cow!

    Deborah @ Comfort Joy Designs
    comfortjoydesigns.blogspot.com
    comfortjoydesigns{AT}gmail{DOT}com

  34. mzzterry Says:

    in honor of this give away.

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Dishes!
    Dishes who?
    Dishes a very bad joke!

    ha.

    thanks for the give away & the snickers.

  35. Angela Says:

    A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
    The bartender says “Hey, what’s with the paper towel?”
    The pirate says “Arrr, there’s a Bounty on me head”.

    thanks

  36. Audrey Says:

    WHat color is a burb?

    burple

  37. Becca Says:

    What kind of dance do you do on a trampoline?

    Hip-hop!

  38. Carol Jo Says:

    The Deal

    young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”

    After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

    The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair….”

    To which his father replied….”Yes, and they WALKED everywhere they went!”

  39. Becky Says:

    What did the snail say when he was riding the turtle?

    Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

  40. Noreen Says:

    how do flowers kiss?
    with tu-lips

    if you want a laugh read my latest post and see what my daughter said to her aunt

  41. There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

    The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, “You can’t stay here you have to come with us.”

    The old man replied, “No, God will save me.” So the boat left. A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

    The old man again replied, “God will save me.” So the boat left him again.

    An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

    Again the old man refused to leave stating that, “God will save him.” So the boat left him again.

    Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, “Why didn’t you save me?”

    God replied, “You dummy! I tried. I sent three boats after you!!”

  42. Britt Farris Says:

    Why did the cookie go to the doctor?????????

    ((Because he was feeling crummy! hahahaha)) 🙂

    wonderfullymade729 at gmail dot com
    those dish cloths are too pretty to use! but I will manage if I win 🙂

  43. Jennifer Barr Says:

    In a small kindergarten class, they were learning the alphabet. When a little boy asked to go to the restroom the teacher said, “Say the alphabet first” “But I really need to go!!!!” “say the alphabet and I’ll let you go!!!” “ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ” “You left out the “P!! Where’s the “P?” “Running down my pants” 🙂

  44. lindsey Says:

    A man walks into a butcher shop.

    (I know, funny, eh? Just wait. There is more)

    While talking to the butcher he mentions that wants to make a wager that he can reach the meat on the top shelf.

    Butcher says “No, the steaks are too high”…(get it? Stakes?!)

    No?

    *tumbleweeds*

    ah well, I tried.

  45. Tara Says:

    What do you call cheese that isnt yours?
    Thats right- nacho cheese 🙂

  46. Ashley Says:

    An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building, when a young
    and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.
    She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!”
    Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns
    to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!”
    About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the
    elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and
    farts and says … “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.”

  47. Nancy Says:

    What did the duck do when he heard a funny joke?
    He quacked up!

  48. Kristin Says:

    What’s the difference between a vacuum and a Harley Davidson?

    – where the dirt bag is located.

    Sorry HD fans…. its still funny. 🙂


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